Last night when you told me about your secret wish I felt so happy and sad at the same time. Happy because you always have a good faith in life. 180 degrees at other side, I don't have such strong faith anymore. Bunda I have a little secret as well.
Did you remember my previous two mail? About precious life and ordinary things. The night before I wrote that mail I received two mails. First from Jamie Tuthill Amazon recruiter and second from Cordula Giewald. Both girls congratulated me. In very good ways.
Jamie ask me to try next year because for current year she cannot proceed me as Indonesian, since US employment visa quota for this year already run out. That's why the focus of current recruitment is more to Singaporean or Australia citizen (US have different policy for these nations) which is reside in Singapore. Sometime I want to make little complain to God. I feel so sad to get a hope which at the end sunk me more. In a time I got the letter for preleminary processing from Amazon I try to believe maybe that is answer from God for my previous failures. But at the end I just knew that will another failure collection. Why just don't give me any hope instead? The sadest thing is I fail to make you proud.
Cordula is admission officer from Ilmenau. Also bring very good news. She mention my credit is not enough so unfortunately cannot admit me. At least at the end of letter she still congratulate me for my career and life. With or without that letter life will not change anyway. But I just feel I lost more part of my dignity again and again. But who cares. I don't care anymore. These are reasons for my previous mail.
This is not good reaction. I just try to find a good moment to raise my hope and faith again. Even though moment is not need to find because we only need to trigger that. One day I want to promise there will be a time for me to make you proud and to make you happy. I am so sorry don't have capability to bring your beautiful secret wish for now. For sure your wish and hope always my wish and hope as well.
PS: I always love you